i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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