but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
