What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
