Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
