Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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