i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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