ya dads aren't the best wingmen
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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