Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
