So drunk its hurt
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
