So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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