I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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