He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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