Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
