the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
