I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
