Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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