well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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