Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
