Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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