when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
