My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
