what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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