just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
