When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
