WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
