Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
