Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
