Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
