You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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