So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
