if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
