you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
