So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
