last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
