You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
