I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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