im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
