I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
