ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
