I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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