..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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