Non-Jews are for practice
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
