My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
