There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
lets start a swedish sibling band together
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
