dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
