Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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