I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
