why didn't you poke me back
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
