its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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