She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
