Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
