Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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