she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
now i know why i became what i already was.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
