So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
