i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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