I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
