i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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