I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
