and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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