She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
