just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
