I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
