We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
