my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
