I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
