I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
