Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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