Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
