I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
