I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
