Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
