Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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