i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
