If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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