Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
