Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
