the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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