The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
