Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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