I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
