Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
