after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
