You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
