you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
