Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I look better un-naked...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
