awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
