love makes seman taste better
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
