I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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