My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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