Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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